on being a slave

some bosses think that their subordinates are born for the sheer reason of making their heavily laden lives more conducive to living. you know contrary to what your boss keeps shoving into your minute mind, this is not entirely true. the truth is people work so they can receive a meager amount of salary every month in exchange for a few, maybe 8, hours of their day using specific skills that they have. the boss, on the other hand, hires these people for them to do specific tasks and hopefully be able to make substantial contributions to the company as a whole. making the bosses' lives easier is not the sole reason for a worker's being; it is just the natural unintended consequence of it all. in other words, to think that your staff must be at your beck and call whenever and wherever is completely unacceptable, not to mention feudalistic. and if i were working for a reason bigger than my meager salary, it is only because of a vision that the company upholds that i extremely respect, and not because i intend to make someone else's life easier, particularly my boss's. i'd like to believe that i'm born for bigger things, and besides, i'm too poor to be a philantropist. and even if i were rich, the boss would be at the very last item in my list of "to-help" after my family, my friends, my relatives in the province, and the six million poor filipinos who have nothing to eat. forgive me, if you think i'm selfish. anyway. so if a harmonious relationship must happen between bosses and subordinates, then i guess a clear understanding of roles must be reached. subordinates must try not to look at their bosses for career fulfillment and gratification, while bosses must try not to make their subordinates the ultimate source of self-affirmation. the sooner we suck this all in, the better our working lives will be.

winnipeg, canada

i just might go here next month. i just might.

...

sorry, i don't celebrate valentine's day.

***

habang papalapit nang papalapit ang supposed wedding date ko e lalu akong tinotopak.

...

stupid, stupid, stupid. goodluck with life and may god bless you with a grain of wit.

...

but if it makes you happy, is it really too important to be correct?

happy new year, gracee.

...

i don't know you anymore.

. . .

for when i said forever, i meant a lifetime.

and since i died yesterday, today does not count.

#

swimming against the current

it was eight in the morning. as i was walking along ayala avenue on a busy monday morning, i realized that nothing much has changed since i left the corporate arena. you know when they say you'll only appreciate the beauty of something when you haven't seen it for a long time-- this rang true that day. nothing much has changed, actually, the only difference is that i'm not part of the scene anymore. and when you become a mere observer, you tend to be more observant.

it was a fascinating display of sounds, shapes, and colors. around me, high heels hurriedly clinked and clanked, stumbling every so often over the cracks of the earth. unflattering office uniforms, most in eye-popping colors, fluttered as jeepneys swerved past honking sedans and colorum FXs. everywhere, watches were glanced at and mobile phones were making rapid strides from pockets to ears. cups of coffee flew out of the takeout counter, while owners looked longingly at that empty couch at the farthest corner. and there in the distance, a ray of sunlight struggled to peep in between the silver towers.

in my jogging pants, gym bag, and sturdy rubber slippers, i felt like a walking anomaly amid a robotic society, a virus plaguing the matrix, a strip of red earth desecrating the concrete jungle. later, i thought, after a heavy workout and a spa session, i'd be having lunch with arj and drinking coffee with airisha and angela. hmm...i smiled a triumphant smile. swimming against the current isn't so bad at all.

god, i sooo love my life.

it is finished.

the signs are everywhere.

cold cheerful breeze kissing my nape. dolled up pine trees shooting up and sprouting about. red and green tinsels permeating every dull corner. a rhapsody of carols ringing in my ears. angels are flying again. stars are glittering. bells are jingling all the way.

christmas is in the air. i smell better days ahead.

withering away

it's not the smoking that bothers me. it's the actual buying of that first stick in an out of the way cafeteria --and finishing that stick off alone--that scares me.