chasing oblivion--and maybe, peace

there are many ways of remembering. trying to forget is but one of the many. this is why i keep telling myself not to rely on memory too much. it is fickle, it is unkind, it is ever evasive when you need it most.

there are many ways of remembering. but on how to forget--i don't have the slightest clue. while you can make moments, you can't un-make them. once they're done, they're there for life. and there's no escaping. unless you bang your head on the wall and damage your memory bank, the pain of remembering will haunt you like a recurring dream. most of the time, it will strike you at your weakest: in the dead of the night, on cold winter mornings, on rainy afternoons, on your bed, at weddings, at the sight of young couples swearing impossible promises.

there are many ways of remembering, trying to forget is the easiest way. try to erase that one painful instance, and you'll instantly be reminded of every single element that made up that day. everything comes back that you can almost see the exact same spot where it happened, smell the ambient scent, hear the familiar voices loud and clear, feel the exact same thing you felt a million moments ago. only now it's different. this time, it comes with the thought that that day will never happen again.

there are many ways of remembering, not all of them are happy recollections. not all of them evoke bright and sunny images. and while it helps not remembering sometimes, not remembering doesn't always mean forgetting.

there are many ways of remembering—all of them are right where you can reach them just when you’re trying to forget.